The Fool or the Fool Who Follows

[Michael Aarons]

The day was normal, or so it seemed for the innocent counselor Kedzie. She awoke quite suddenly to the morning; although on a starship, every moment seems like night. A sweetened aroma accosted her senses and the dreams she'd had vanished in the mist that exists between the waking world and dreams. She pulled herself from her bed after failing to rationalize with her body to sleep in that day. Even though half asleep, she perceived a small buzzing and tiny little motion that within seconds she realized was a Bajoran Stingwraith. A nasty little bug that is merciless to the point and not soon forgotten. It flew towards her as her mind woke up and she screamed in terror as she dived for the floor. The sound it made was not unlike a Locus from Earth. The Stingwraith circled her and bobbed and weaved as Kedzie clamoured and panicked then bolted for her door. Outside she collided with a security man.
Kedzie: "Help come quick!" She said with hysterics, "There's a Stingwraith in my quarters, don't let it get me!"
The security man willingly took to her pleas and entered her quarters, himself in the lead. But there was no Stingwraith, nay nothing in sight, but the disorderly mess from her frantic plight. The Stingwraith though there had beamed its way out unbeknowst to all. Kedzie felt like a fool. She ducked into her quarters and got dressed for the day. Today had started off bad for the counsellor and had she known what was in store she would have felt quite differently right then.
She arrived on the bridge because she wanted to speak to the captain.
Kedzie: "Captain I've had a most awful morning. I woke up and was attacked by a Stingwraith but when security came to get rid of it there was no trace; I think I'm losing my mind."
Kay: "You're not losing your mind counsellor, we know exactly what you're experiencing. In fact, we're gonna help you get back <SNAP> <SNAP> <SNAP>."
Everyone: <SNAP> <SNAP> <SNAP>...
Kedzie: "Why are you all snapping <a la Westside Story>?"
Kay: "We're not." <they all stop>. "This year it seems Michael Aarons has targeted you to be his fool but we plan to get him for the past 3 years that we've suffered. <SNAP> <SNAP> <SNAP>..."
Kedzie: "I just like to know how he got a look a my psych-profile, I'm terrified by Stingwraiths."
Kay: "He has his ways. What smells like cinnamon?"
Kedzie: "<Sniff> I think it's me."
Michael Aarons strolled somewhere around Deck 18, his business there was helping Engineering while his substitute made sure the ship kept moving. The senior bridge crew having located him shadowed his movements waiting for him to do exactly what they wanted him to. Down the corridor, lay a trip wire and connected to that trip wire was a contraption that would release sticky feathers on to those who tripped it. As Aarons approached the spot, his comm-badge sounded.
Voice: "Commander Aarons could you please deliver a preliminary report to the CEO?" Aarons changed course and headed for the nearest turbolift. Teg and Hawk's plan had failed but not before 2 innocent crew persons fell for the trap. They ran before they were spotted with a 'Sorry!' on the wind behind them. Next it was up to the doctor with the help of Sovas. Their plan was to dowse Michael in a chemical so pugent and acrid he'd become a pariah even his own possesions. <SNAP> <SNAP> <SNAP>...
In the ships mess hall Commander Aarons lingered sipping Aldebarren Whiskey because he'd been running errands all day. Sovas moved to one side and Liz the other. Aarons was nearly finished so it was decided to take it with him and continue his work. Sovas was closer and moved in for the kill. At the same time Dr. Janeway tried to catch him but was more adept at aiming a laser scalpel than an atomizer. She completely missed Michael and instead hit a poor schmuck who had the misfortune of sitting in the wrong place at the wrong time. Sovas' luck was no better as he shot got Liz straight on. The smell was so disgusting someone almost lost their lunch over it and the doctor had to rush herself and poor Lt. McClane to Sick Bay to counter the juice before it set and got worse, offending everyone between there and sickbay. It all fell down to Greenwood and Kay. <SNAP> <SNAP> <SNAP>...
Kay: "Okay people, I know we've had some set backs but this time will be different. Now he's going up against me... and him, and it's going to be good!"
Aarons was now on the engineering deck; he had seen almost all of the ship, some parts twice. The prospect of returning to his duty station was beginning to look good at this point. Kay had planned to have Nik activate the transporter on her signal and beam him into a shower rigged to spew mud all over the place. Aarons was almost to engineering to finish his tasks as Kay readied her signal.
Kay: "Now!" At this point, another crewman rounded the corner right into Aarons.
Crewman: "I'm sorry sir. Let me get your comm-baaaa...fzzip!"
Kay: "Abort! Abort! Abort!" Too late to save him, the crewman learn the new meaning of 'mud bath'.
Aarons: "You guys are pathetic! Come on out, I know you're there!" Each came forward, the sum of their failures showing on their faces. "Did y'all honestly think y'all could catch me with some amateur trick or outrageous prank?" He turned to enter Engineering to finish off the days work. "Like poor marksmen, you keep missing the target <SPLAT>!" At the door of Engineering stood Rhymer his arm extended, and at the end of that arm was a pie under which stood Michael Aarons.
Rhymer: "That'll teach you to mess with my Warp Core!"
Everyone: ;D
Aarons:
Happy April Fools Day! ;D

[anderson]

OOC:

Aarons, I would have come up with a better joke than that. I don't much care for April Fools Day, and I never participate. Good idea though.

[Kaylana Cornette]

OOC: Ahhh... our traditional April Fool! Thanks, Michael, for an enjoyable read. Now... since you only got a pie in the face... read on...

"Aarons!" Kay shouted, "Get yourself cleaned up and report to the bridge at once!"

The Helmsman, sans pie goo, appeared at the lift doors and bounded to his seat. Happy to go anywhere, he forgot the pranks of the day and contently took to his chores.

"Plot a course for the nearest starbase and engage."

"Aye, sir," was the chipper reply.

Upon arriving at the starbase, the Majesty was immediately hailed. A frazzled Admiral's face filled the viewscreen. "Don't come near! We are under attack! An unknown, hostile intruder has..." SNAP! The Admiral's words were cut off and, at the sound of snapping fingers, he was gone.

Kay bolted from her chair, giving a flurry of orders, trying to assess what was happening when SNAP! she too disappeared. One by one, the bridge personnel vanished till only one was left - Michael Aarons.

Aarons, trying to remain calm, ran from one bridge station to the next. He was holding his own, but as any Star Trek fan knows, one person can not manage an entire starship. Beginning to feel overwhelmed, Michael sunk into his nav chair and tried to come up with plan. Just then, SNAP!

Aarons found himself inside a darkened deserted room. He squinted at the only pinpoint of light and moved towards it. The light was coming from a room. Aarons entered and found himself on a stage. Spotlights trained directly on him and prohibited him from seeing anything beyond. Suddenly, a booming voice was heard.

"I am Meltar, the being responsible for the disappearance of your people and the one who brought you here."

"Where are they? What have you done with them?" Michael demanded.

"SILENCE! You will only speak when I ask you."

A holographic scene appeared beside Aarons and he could distinctly see the Captain, Greenwood, Hawk, TEG, Rhymer, Janeway, Kedzie, Sovas and T'Rok in various stages of being tortured. Their mouth's gaped open in silent cries of pain.

"As you can see," Meltar thundered, "They are still alive for the moment. But they won't be if you don't do as I request!"

Knowing that there'd be a medal in this, Aarons replied defiantly, "I will do what you want to free them. You can have me instead."

"Ahhh, what self-denial! What bravery! How heroic!" Meltar mocked, "We will see if your performance is adequate enough to save them."

"Huh?"

"You must sing... and sing WELL, mind you, the song from Stephen Sondheim’s brilliant masterpiece, West Side Story... "I Feel Pretty".

"Are you serious?"

Simultaneously, the lights flashed and brightened, thunder rumbled from somewhere backstage, electric sparks flew and Meltar yelled loud enough for the starbase to hear, "YES! You must sing!"

The sfx ceased and a single note was played... the beginning note of the song requested. Michael shrugged, and decided to try it.

"Wait!" Meltar shouted. "One more thing before you begin." A strange sensation enveloped Aarons and he looked down at his uniform which was fading away, leaving only his undershorts. Instinctively, Michael responded with the fig-leaf maneuver. "Now you can start!" Meltar bellowed.

"I feel pretty, oh, so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and gay... and I pity, any girl who isn't me today."

"LOUDER!"

"I feel charming... oh, so charming... it's alarming how charming I feel. I'm so charming... that I hardly can believe I'm real..."

And on and on he went, feeling heroic for saving his crew until a burst of laughter stopped his performance. The lights changed revealing his crewmates in the audience, mocking and jeering.

"And you'll be happy to know, my dear helmsman," hollered Kay above the hubbub, "This has been piped all over the ship!" She dramatically gestured to the camera which was capturing every moment.

High fives were given all around as Aarons, red-faced and still in his scivvies, slunk off stage.

[Michael Aarons]

OFF: First off, you've been watching too much "Spectre of the Gun" and "Arena." Second, if this were real y'all would all be dead because I've never even seen "West Side Story" in my life and was only parodying the finger snapping choreography to imply revenge was about to go down (ever seen that episode of "Drawn Together" at the end of season 1). Third, the ECH in Voyager:"Workforce 1/2" seemed to do a pretty good job all his own. Oh and I'm stopping at nothing short of a stroke on Halloween.